For many of us, it is really hard to give (and receive) feedback. Unless you work in an environment where psychological safety is high and people are treated with respect, empathy, and compassion, most of us want to avoid it.
Managers are no different. Giving criticism could mean a potential conflict. Giving praise… well, many don’t see a need for it. “Why should I praise somebody for doing their job?”
For the receivers of feedback, it is a clear risk that they take it very personally when given negative feedback, having a hard time separating the activity from their identity
I have spoken about this on TV and magazines. Here are nine steps you can use to prepare and give 5-star feedback:
1. Decide on your desired OUTCOME. For you, for them, for the relationship
If you can’t be clear hear, perhaps you shouldn’t even bother.
2. Decide WHEN and WHERE
Basically as soon as possible but not while you are still upset (if you observed a bad hehavior)
3. Set the CONTEXT/FRAME
This is the headline you give. No sugar coating.
4. Explain what went GOOD/BAD– objectively
Purely what you observed or found out.
5. Explain the CONSEQUENCE -Objectively and emotionally
Here you can be both. The good or the bad and how it made you feel.
6. Separate ACTIVITY from IDENTITY
Especially for negative feedback. You are trying to improve the behavior and not blame a character.
7. CONGRATULATE when good. EXPLORE improvements when bad, but also success factors when good.
Like Nelson Mandela said: You either win or you learn. There is learning to be had here.
8. LISTEN to the person
Listen to understand, not to respond.
9. HANDLE potentially negative REACTIONS.
When you give negative feedback, people will feel stress. Fight or flight responses will kick in, so it is important that you keep your cool.
Good luck with your successful feedback!
//Antoni Lacinai
